Sex and Love Questions from My YourTango Takeover!

I had a great time answering relationships questions during my Facebook Takeover of YourTango. I received plenty of topics on timing including when to date after a break up, when to have sex,  and how to hold on to the spark from their 50,000 fans all around the world. Here are some of the questions and my responses.

What can I do over the holiday season that might lead me to finding a nice guy? – Dawn M.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year . . .for dating a few good men! Thanks for the question, Dawn Michelle. Take full advantage of the tons of holiday events to mix and mingle. The best outings are smaller and relaxed functions, as well as office parties of friends. These are where people are more social and where information is exchanged. Also, put the bug in your aunts ear at Christmas dinner that you are looking to meet new people! Married friends and family members are some of the best matchmakers around. Enjoy and keep me posted. . .

Hey Charreah!! How long should you wait to jump into a relationship with a guy who has recently broken up with his long term relationship?- Christina P.
It varies for the length of the relationship. I tell my clients to wait at least three months since the couple’s last interaction and could take much longer, especially for men with children. The important part is to tune in when he discusses that relationship. If there is still anger or affection, allow him time to get over that. You can’t build a house when there’s still residual from the last. The same is true for relationships.

Does it matter who says I love you 1st? – Tangila S.
Not at all! It means more to have a man who shows he loves you and rarely says it, then someone who says it all the time and doesn’t show it. My boyfriend pulled a sly one with me by saying “I love you too” first. He said he could see in my eyes that I loved him. HA!

Hi Charreah. What is your opinion on when is the right time in a relationship for couples to have sex? – Melodie T.
That is a good one! I believe the starting line for sex is once a commitment is established by both parties. Some couples take six weeks others six months. Even as our hormones rage, it’s important to remember our bodies have memory, so be sure this is someone you want in your life before engaging in sexual activity.

Is it okay to date more than one person at a time even if you are seeking a serious relationship? – C. Alexander
YES. Dating is getting to know someone and see if they are a fit. Interacting with multiple people allows you to better refine what you are looking for and who you are. While dating, still be clear that you are open to something serious with the right person. When you mutually decide to be exclusive, than the option to see other people is swapped for a solid commitment. Enjoy!

My husband and I have been together for 20 years, the kids are in their teens and I’m concerned that my husband and I are not as close as we could be. How can we find ourselves again? – Julie
Great question, Tina! Take advantage of the kids being older and more self-sufficient to spend more time together. Try to have a standing date night just for you two and revisit old interests you all had as a couple and explore new ones. The longer we are with someone the more we feel we know them and what they are already going to say. Take the time to listen with fresh ears. Has a new show sparked his interest or new restaurant opened in town? You have 20 years of memories to pull from to continue to strengthen your bond. Here’s to another 20!

Question for Charreah: My husband and I had a fairly matched libido until I was diagnosed with MS. Now, he is the same man I married, but physical intimacy in that nature is no longer a priority for me because 1. It is painful and 2. I no longer feel arousal. I have tried ibuprofen and creams, but it just doesn’t seem to work. It’s sad that sex has become something I quickly power through just to hold him off till I have to do it again. Any advice? – Adrian S.
Hi Adrian. I know this isn’t easy for either of you, but know that things can get better! Better sex will start outside the bedroom. First I would suggest you speak with your gynecologist for any medical support for the pain. Second, speak with your husband and work together to explore other ways for you both to feel more fulfilled. A great hand job is a lost art, and something that could be added to your naughty girl tool kit for you both to enjoy. Also find a great lubricant that works for you and more comfortable positions like on your side.

My sister is in an on-again-off-again relationship with a guy who claims to be in love with his ex who left him 5 years ago. I want my sister to leave this guy, but the last time she asked me for advice and I told her she got mad..How do I help her realize she deserves more?
I feel your pain and know you love your sister! Let the focus be on that. Next time instead of discussing on what he isn’t focus on what she wants. Tell her to describe what she wants in a relationship and ask her if the current situation is that. Let her know all the great things you want for her and that she deserves it. Remind her of her worth and keep giving her the loving nudge to get it.

How can you keep a relationship fresh after dating for several years? – Arion J.
Great one, Arion. Remember what made it special and continue to discover something new about each other. The longer we are with someone, the more it feels like you know everything there is to know, but that’s not the case. Every week you should discover something about each other that you didn’t know before and let the other person know they are heard. In my research, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to see it’s not a at-home strip tease that men crave, but a partner that really listens and is tuned in. The joy is in the journey. Enjoy!

Should I stay with a man that is determined not to marry ever again we don’t see eye to eye I’m a widow of 5 yrs?should i stay or go he says he loves me thou? – Pamela A.
Many people who have been married say they don’t want to do it again and go on to still have committed and happy relationships. It’s not about love but being on the same page. You can’t control his feelings but have complete control to stay with him or leave if marriage is a necessity for you. Be clear on what you want and pay attention to his actions towards you, not just the words.

Is it wrong to get mad if a boy that you really like asks for nude pictures & I say no because we haven’t talked on the phone yet & because we haven’t said ” I Love You ” ? – Victoria S.
Right answer, Victoria! Do not send him nude pictures because he has not earned your trust or established a commitment for that type of risk. Your photos can end up anywhere. Him asking is not a reason to automatically cut him off. Just let him know you are not that type of woman. If he has a problem with that, then you may have your answer. Hope it works out!

So, how do I tell a woman that I’ve been seeing for 2 months that her breath isn’t so FRESH. Seriously, I keep the gum and the mints all the time. WWhat do I say without hurting her feelings and not making her INSECURE?? – Phil C.
Hi Phil. That’s a tough one! Glad you are wanting to tell her instead of walking away. In a loving way, let her know sometimes there is a slight odor and you still find her beautiful. I know it’s uncomfortable but it’s better she knows and she will appreciate it.

How do you end a long term/long distant relationship that you know is not gonna work but the other confesses there love for you? Too many years and two many issues stand in the way? Samantha C.
Thanks for sharing. Every minute we waste in relationships that aren’t going anywhere is time we won’t ever get back. With love, let the person know you want both of you to be able to be in healthy and fulfilling relationships. Long distance relationships require special care and take both parties being extremely committed. It’s much better to end things sooner than later if you aren’t feeling it. You are doing you both a favor.

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