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4 Pitfalls Career Women Make When Dating

Women are continuing to make strides in the professional world and now outnumber men in many graduate programs.

But all those career achievements don’t always lead to relationship success. I coach many professional women to get out of their own way in the dating world.

For, I shared some of the top phrases working women can lose.

1. “Men are intimidated by my career.”

This by far is one of the biggest myths about today’s men.

After interviewing hundreds of men, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to discover most want a partner in life, not a passenger. They want to root on a woman pursuing her goals and also feel supported.

What they don’t want is a woman who throws her success in their face or makes a man feel like she doesn’t need him in her life.

So along with sharing your professional passions on a date, be sure to share your personal hobbies and the things you enjoy about his company.

2.“I want love to happen organically.”

Dating is not the romantic comedy we grew up watching. Your dream guy is probably not going to spot you across the street, stop traffic and ask you out.

Knowing that doesn’t stop many women from still holding out on their fairy tale to begin and missing out on a real-life romance.

One thing I do with my coaching clients is ask them about a career highlight. Their eyes light up as they tell me about something incredible they pulled off and we write it all down.

With that burst of energy, I let them know discovering lasting love will require some of that same faith, muscle and commitment.

Just because you meet the love of your life by asking your friends to set you up or strategically going to conferences full of the types of guys you want to date, that doesn’t make the connection any less magical or your bond any less fulfilling.

Getting the love you want requires casting your net as wide as possible to meet your match.

3. “Right now, I’m just really busy with work.”

There’s a lot of, “Should I call? What to wear? What the hell is going through his head?” while on the quest for love.

With the uncertainty of dating, for many women, it’s easier to focus on a sure thing — their work.

But this is a big mistake as your job will never hug you back and a few frogs are worth it when you find your prince.

Psychologist and dating coach Paulette Murphy, Ph.D., realized the importance of finding a partner at the beginning of her career.

“When I was doing my residency, I noticed early on that when people are dying, nothing mattered more than their significant other and family,” she said.

Investing in relationships and people is vital to your long-term health and happiness.

And recent studies also show an active dating life can increase productivity in workers. Double win!

Have you caught yourself saying any of these phrases or discovered other dating mistakes career women make? Share in the comments below!

Check out the final mistake at


What do you think of the mistakes we sometimes make in the quest for love?

The Female Breadwinners Survival Guide

breadwinner boss bride

Many Boss Brides have encountered the reality of earning more than your partner. For ESSENCE, I explored how women keep their sanity and cents when being the breadwinner.

Orlando, Florida, radiologist Dawn DeLavallade was in her last year of medical school when she met her husband, Ty, a teacher. “We always knew one day I would probably make more money,” she recalls. “After we married and I settled into my career, I started feeling some shame about earning more than my husband.” Her stress was compounded by her inability to share with friends and family for fear that others wouldn’t understand. However, DeLavallade was far from alone:
Forty percent of American households with children now have a woman bringing home the higher paycheck, and that reality may be more prevalent in Black households. In the past 50 years, the number of married moms earning more than their husbands has quadrupled, and the numbers continue to rise as women outnumber men in college and make gains at work. But the growth of female breadwinners and decline of traditional gender roles don’t have to wreak havoc on our relationships.

“There are a lot of misconceptions when a woman earns more than her man,” says Farnoosh Torabi, who makes higher wages than her husband and wrote When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women (Hudson Street Press). “As a female breadwinner, you have to write your own rules and share your needs.”

After acknowledging her stress over being the top earner, DeLavallade confided in a girlfriend. To her surprise, the friend confessed she also made more than her husband. “I felt a huge weight lift,” she says. DeLavallade was inspired to create a support group for other high-earning women, which includes monthly group calls and webinars at

Not all higher-earning ladies entered the relationship that way. “I see many couples where the man used to make more money and now they are adjusting to a new dynamic,” says Decatur, Georgia, counselor Alduan Tartt, Ph.D., author of The Ring Formula: How to Marry Mr. Right (Visionary Minds). That was the case for Courtney Waldon, 33, whose husband, Jarrel, a chef, lost his job when the restaurant where he worked closed months before they wed in 2010. “It was a tough transition for us, from him making more to me paying more of the bills,” the Chicago makeup artist shares. “It also brought us closer. We had to talk more about our finances and future plans.” As Jarrel started a dessert business, the couple got creative with their finances, mostly fueled by Courtney. One of their favorite memories is of a $12 date of putt-putt golf and Burger King’s dollar menu.
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